Then and Now

I have been doing a lot of reflection this past week or so and I have learned a great deal about myself. Some good. Some not good.

I learned that I am a "rise to the occasion" type of person.
It's harder to "do" the daily's then to deal with life's big happenings.

Exactly one year today, we miscarried our second baby.

I had a great day today. I hung out with a friend while she was in the hospital and celebrated a new stage of life with her. Praise God.
I went grocery shopping with Layla and felt productive.
I had a venti chocolate frappicino from Starbucks.
It was a sunshiny, beautiful day.
I have a friend that is a physical therapist and she was able to look at my neck- no appointment necessary!:)
I talked with our case worker from our adoption agency and that felt good to touch base with her.
It looks like we moved a few more spots on the adoption waiting list in the last 24 hours.
I hung out with my family after I made a new recipe for dinner {that we all enjoyed}.

So, what's the matter, right?

In expectation of the year of our loss approaching, I looked back and read my journal entries. I so enjoyed reading them all. This time last year is when we decided to start this blog.

As I read, I realized that I was in a valley of circumstances at that time, but on a mountaintop with my Lord. I was so glad to read that. I trust Him in and with all things in my life. I need to. He knows best.

So why is it, that, when life is "fine" I don't "feel" as near to God? Why do I like the way it "feels" more than just walking in obedience? Why is that I have to be in a horrible circumstance to sit at the feet of my Savior?
I don't really know the answer. I do know I have a desire to be passionate for Christ all. the. time! I am grateful that I am learning to sit and absorb so much more of His word each day.

Maybe one of you understands what I am saying. Maybe I'm crazy. :)
I do have the ultimate desire everyday of my life to. Seek HIM first. Long for HIM each day of my life. Even in the mundane of life.

Then- I was in a valley of circumstance and on a mountaintop with Christ.
Now- I am longing to sit on the mountaintop and thank God for my circumstances, because He has blessed me.

Pray I will see God in the daily's. That I will continue to draw from The Well when I am thirsty.

Reflecting on 12 months ago, praying for more contentment today and anticipating how God will work out the future. That's where I am now.

Psalm 107:1-9
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story—
those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,
those he gathered from the lands,
from east and west, from north and south.
Some wandered in desert wastelands,
finding no way to a city where they could settle.
They were hungry and thirsty,
and their lives ebbed away.
Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way
to a city where they could settle.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
for he satisfies the thirsty
and fills the hungry with good things.