We’re Walking

My heart is beating fast and my hands are shaking. Could it be? No. Surely not. Yesterday I started to have spotting/bleeding and I am at the end of 7 weeks of pregnancy. The final line of my blog post ‘His Plan’ I said, “Whatever you bring us from here on out I want to trust and obey for there is no other way!” I think when you say those things you hope and pray that you never have to prove your loyalty! I knew that I meant it but it is easier to say than to live it. When I discovered the spotting, I said “Oh no, oh no”, then it went to “O God”, and then I said out loud, “can I do this Lord, are you going to make me walk this thing?” Right now I still have no facts of what is going on. I’m just resting in…

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9

I have no idea where God is going with us but I’ll tell you what (through tears) I’m going with Him! I will walk with you God. You give and you take away.

Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? Is it not from the Most High that both calamities and good things come? Why should any living man complain when punished for his sins? Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. Lamentations 3: 37- 40

So…I am walking….and…..waiting. Waiting on more news of what is going on, waiting to see if the baby lives or dies, waiting on my husband to get home next Friday……NO, I am waiting on the Lord! Derek had called to check in with the family and I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell him. He is in Denver, Colorado for a conference for work and could do nothing for me. So, I acted fine on the phone (so I thought) and we said our goodbyes. About two minutes later he called me back and asked me if everything was okay. I was so surprised. It’s not like Derek to sense that something is wrong. That is not a criticism it’s just how he was made. I was so touched that he called back and I knew at that moment that I was supposed to tell him what was going on. Again, I am so thankful for the godly man I’m married to. He stopped and said that he was sorry that he wasn’t with me and that he loved me. After that he read a scripture right away, as if his bible was opened to it! He went on to pray with me and I so appreciated that God’s Word and prayer was his counsel! Praise God! He ended the conversation by saying the sweetest words he could have ever spoke… “God is good and he has given us a good thing.” Thank you God, for giving us a ‘good thing’ like our marriage. We pray that it brings you honor and glory.
I have to say that I also have the BEST FRIENDS in the whole world. Thank you to Karen, Kristy and Megan who love me and showered me with prayer and the WORD of God. None of them hesitated in coming over and visiting with me so I wouldn’t be alone (without me asking). That was time away from their families and husbands. Thank you girls for pouring the Word of God (and not just your own words) over me, especially since my husband is not here with me right now.
I went to church today not knowing if I was strong enough to make it through. I got the girls dressed and ready and headed out the door feeling like I could do it. A song was playing that I have heard before but never bothered to really listen to the words. God has a way of letting us know he’s there when we need it the most. Here are the lyrics to the song Before the Morning- Josh Wilson:

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

How am I? I am nervous with a peace that passes ALL understanding! I am resting in the Lord.

Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear. Psalm 112: 6-8

I’m walking.