How Does This Work?

Yesterday, Monday, May 24, we lost our second baby. We are sad. My heart is hurting.
Derek is in Denver, Colorado and left his business trip 3 days early to come and grieve with our family. I am so thankful that I have a husband that I did not have to ask to come home and be with me. It is not easy for a man to balance work and life but by the grace of God Derek is a testimony to this! Today, I am waiting for him to arrive home. Lord, help us grieve for this baby together and be comforted by you.
It is so wonderful to cry so many tears and have such a hurt heart but yet have sustaining peace! I have had many emotions this week and I’m so glad that I do not need to be controlled by those same emotions. A friend sent me a few verses that I have poured over today.

Psalm 73:25, 26
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 56:8
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in Your bottle.
You have recorded each one in Your book.

God, thank you again for your Word. It is Truth and it is comforting. Where do we go from here? I think I might just stay on my knees before the Creator. I feel the safest there.
I do have to share a few “things” that happened to Derek while he was away. Some may say it’s coincidence but I say its God preparing a way for us to walk. He was at a business dinner on Saturday night and before they began to eat at their table someone saw Derek praying for his own meal. This gentleman said we should pray for our dinner. So Derek led this table of co-workers in prayer. While they were eating another colleague(a fellow believer), a little older than the rest, asked the younger guys how they were doing at balancing work and their families. They went on to share around the table. I don’t know about you, but I think it is rare to have a group of men at a business dinner having such a conversation! Praise God for the godly men that Derek has the privilege to work with. It is so encouraging. After I shared with Derek the news of our miscarriage, I reminded him that it was not by chance that he had had that dinner conversation the night before. Derek had a choice to make. Stay in Denver for his job or come home. Either decision would have been acceptable. I told him that I had no expectations of him leaving to come home. I knew that I could not put that burden on him. The decision he made did speak to his character and, I think, spoke to those men who Derek is and Who he serves. I think we forget that people around us are watching! Speak for Jesus!!!

You can pray for us as we are preparing to tell our two sweet and precious daughters the news of their sibling. They are so excited to meet this baby! I pray they see in us that we trust God even when we don’t understand and that we can lean on Him when we hurt. Adah has already trusted in Jesus Christ alone for her salvation. I pray for this to be an opportunity for our sweet Layla to put her trust in Him too.
I will leave you with the reason that I titled this entry How Does This Work? While Derek was praying with me over the phone (one of the many times he had) he prayed, “Lord, I don’t know how this works, but I’m looking forward to seeing our children again someday with you in heaven.” What a sweet thought. It’s a thought I hadn’t had yet. It’s now all I think about! Not just seeing our babies someday, but being with Jesus in Glory. WOW. This is such a reminder that this earth is temporary; it is not our permanent home! Our citizenship is in heaven.


Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Philippians 3:19-20

God, don’t let me get so comfortable here on earth that I stop longing to be with you!