I never thought that I would ever write a blog post, but here I am. I’m learning that when God is moving you don’t think about what you want and what’s comfortable for you. You just go with HIM.
So, here goes…..
Derek and I started trying to have another baby, our 3rd, two years ago, May 2008. Little did we know that God had a different plan for our family. It has been a difficult couple of years trying to be okay with not getting pregnant and trusting in God’s Sovereign plan for our lives. It seemed, for a while, every month was me taking a pregnancy test and being overcome by disappointment. Derek and I decided to make an appointment to meet with my OB/GYN to ask a few questions. I went to the appointment on August 31, 2009 and asked a list of questions. The doctor gave me quite a few options to consider. The best scenario was a fertility drug called Clomid. When I left the doctor’s office my thought was, “well, of course we’ll do Clomid”. As the evening went on I kept thinking of one thing that my doctor had said in that visit. “At this point in trying to conceive, you only have about a 10% chance of getting pregnant on your own”. Wow, really? I have two children already. That’s crazy. As the days followed, Derek and I committed much time to prayer about what we should do. One evening, God was pressing on my heart something that I was trying to ignore (but just could not). God said, not in an audible voice, but in my heart, “I can put another zero on that 10 and make it 100% in a flash, just trust me.” I knew at that moment that we were not to take the medication. I also knew that if I told Derek what I heard from the Lord he would agree and that would be the end of it. I didn’t want to tell him. I wanted to take the meds. It felt like my only chance. As if God “needed my help”. That night we decided we were to trust the Lord’s plan for our lives. I think our exact words were, “we want God to get the most glory!” If we got pregnant without the meds, wow, glory to God. We also said, if we don’t ever have another baby that we wanted God to be glorified just as much!!! God had been paving a way (long before) for each step that I was taking.
I went to a Beth Moore conference in August. We did not know what she would be speaking on before we arrived. When we sat down and she took us to God’s Word for the verses she would teach from, she read us Psalm 37! You have to sit and read the entire chapter, but she camped on verse 4, Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart, verse 7, be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. I realized, that weekend, how we always seem to fix our eyes on the “desires of your heart” in that verse and not the DELIGHT yourself in the Lord! That’s what I wanted, to delight in Him and have him conform my desires into His desires for what he wants for me.
Fast forward to January 2010. I knew that I was still holding on to so much of this and what I wanted and how I thought that God should work. Here is a verse that really started to take root in my life:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentations 3:22-26
So, with all of God’s strength, I began to seek Him with everything I could. To my amazement, he began to answer my prayer. Not the earthly want of a baby, but for peace and a delight for Him that was not there before. I was realizing the beauty and gift of the wait. By February I did not take a pregnancy test for the first time. Then came March and April. No test. I was okay! Really? Yes. On April 5, 2010, I sat down at the computer and felt like I should look at an adoption site of waiting children that needed a forever home (see the post Why Wouldn't We to gain more details for the adoption). I was so moved, as I always am when I think about all the children that need forever homes with a momma and daddy. I found two little boys that were just posted for adoption that week. They were adorable! I could just see them in our family. I began to pray for those little guys and showed Derek their photo. I began to e-mail and ask questions about them but quickly realized that you need to have a home study in place before you can even inquire about the kiddos you see. Well, my prayer changed to pray that someone would be able to adopt those boys as soon as possible. They needed a home! At that moment, I knew that adoption was something God was pressing on my heart. Not to be a means to an end to have more children, but a step of obedience to care for the orphans. Derek was not where I was in this heart change at the time. He, due to so many demands and stresses, just could not give the time or the mental energy to talk about adoption. He suggested that we wait to talk about it until things “cool down” in May. Well, that was very difficult for me to do but I didn’t want him to shut down entirely, so I waited and prayed. “Oh Lord, more waiting! Can I wait on one more thing?” Yes, I could! So I did. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I prayed for Derek’s heart to be softened to the process and I prayed for the potential child that I could imagine us bringing home.
All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you. Psalm 38: 9
Funny enough, because I love to laugh with God, Derek was asked to go to an adoption summit in Minnesota with our youth pastor on April 29- 30. I was so excited that Derek was going. Maybe his heart would be gripped and he would get on board! As the days went on, I found myself praying a little less selfishly. I was praying for a great time for Derek spent with godly men, learning about adoption resources for Immanuel Baptist Church (which is why he was asked to go) and a time of resting in the Lord without the pressures of work. I would not do his heart change and excitement justice, so I am going to leave it up to Derek to tell about his experience at the summit (see post Why Wouldn't We)……
Meanwhile, I began to make arrangements for a garage sale to “liquidate” all of our baby girl items and proceeded to lone out my entire maternity wardrobe. I was enjoying quite a few bible studies and learning so much about God’s timing, waiting on the Lord and resting in Him. May 12, 2010, was a very neat day. I love how God shows us little ways that we are walking in the right direction.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice
behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
Isaiah 30:21
I was attending a bible study on this Wednesday morning when the day began. I picked up Layla from the childcare and her teacher asked if she could have our phone number. She has two boys that are my girl’s age and they love playing together and since it was the last study she wanted to be able to call and set up a play date in the summer. As I was leaving she handed me a purple sheet of paper and said you’re invited to a party. I said thanks and left. I didn’t open the invite until I got home and it read, “We are having a cutlery party to help raise money for our adoption”. I couldn’t believe what I read. I called her right away and talk with her all about their story. I was able to share a little with her about where we were in the “process”. She asked me what agency we were looking at and I told her All God’s Children and she said, “so are we” through a laugh. We talked for a while and shared a lot more information. As we were ending the phone call we both concluded that one big obstacle for our husbands was the financial part of it. That conversation was such a sweet affirmation from God. After we hung up, I began to fill out the adoption application and Abba fund application, which took me about 3 hours. It was such a beautiful and sweet day for me. It was so fun to fill out the questions and see how God was changing my heart and my eyes to see Him differently. It felt good to ask of God what He wanted from me instead of what I wanted from Him. Thank you God for that special moment that I spent with you.
I called Derek right away and he was very excited. We talked while he was driving home from being out of town. I told him all about the conversation I had and that I filled out the paperwork. I told him that I knew that he hadn’t given a direct “yes” yet, but I wanted to be ready when he did, because I knew he was “there” already! I also said even if we decided not to adopt it was still a step of obedience for me and I would not trade filling out the paperwork for one second! We talked a bit about the money we would need to save and how we would do that. I had already saved up, from my babysitting jobs, the $300 non- refundable deposit that would be sent with the application that I had just completed. Next was $1,500 to 1,800 for the home study. A little more of a stretch! We would manage. We were excited about the money we would make from the garage sale. We decided it would be put toward the adoption. As we hung up, we laughed and said God will provide what we need. Boy, he sure did. As I hung up the phone I went to get the mail. I ripped into a envelop from my dear grandparents. I was not expecting anything from them and it wasn’t anyone’s birthday. Are you sitting down? It was a check for a $1,000!!!! Thank you Grandpa and Grandma. Of course I called Derek immediately and asked him the same question…are you sitting down? I told him what had come in the mail and he just started laughing! What could he say? God is our Provider! He said, “wow, we’ll talk more about it when I get home”. That was a great day and we thanked the Lord in Ah.
Thursday morning I went to bible study at church and the lesson was all about waiting. No surprise there! We talked about how waiting means to serve. We are to serve while we wait and to not just stop. One of the small group discussion questions was, “are you currently in a difficult waiting period”? I had a really hard time answering the question. I listened to all the ladies share there hearts and kept kind of quiet. Finally, I answered. I said I am waiting for a few things right now and it used to be difficult. In the world’s eye it would be difficult, but I am in such a good place with the wait right now. I can say that the difficult is no longer there. I have changed from waiting on a pregnancy to waiting on the Lord! I then shared this verse with the ladies at my table:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentations 3:22-26Thank you Lord for using your Word to shape my thinking.
Later that day, I went to the store to run some errands and I did buy a pregnancy test. It was different this time. It wasn’t me longing for a positive result rather it was God leading me in a calm, rational way. I was a little “late” but that is not abnormal for me. So, I thought I’d have it just in case. Friday morning I decided to take the test. Again, it was not the “normal” way that I had so many other times. I was calm and had such a peace in me. Needless to say, the test line wasn’t even complete before the positive line appeared. I’m pregnant? I’m pregnant! I wasn’t sure what I should do- it was a state of shock! I called for Derek to come back up the stairs; I said “I need you up here” in a very serious voice. I said I love you and then moved out of the way for him to see the test. I walked out of the room and burst into tears. After two years I think it was just disbelief. Derek hugged me and said, “I am so excited”. I said, through my tears, “our adoption.” Derek spoke the sweetest words to me, “this doesn’t mean we won’t still adopt”. I love my husband so much- he has been changed over the last 12 years of our marriage to be more compassionate than I ever dreamed he would be. Thank you, my dear husband.
Well, some would say, see you just needed to relax and not think about getting pregnant or that’s what happens, you start the adoption process and you get pregnant. I know because I have spoken those words to people. I don’t believe them anymore. I never want to put God into a box like that. All those reasons have everything to do with me and what I did or didn’t do. This is all because of God and what he has done for us. Even if we hadn’t got pregnant He (God) was still answering our prayers. He was changing me long before the two pink lines on a test. And I just love His timing- we hadn’t gotten serious about the adoption until after I was most likely pregnant! That’s how my Jesus would do it!!!
I have to share a note that Derek wrote to me after he got the news:
Christy,
I am overjoyed with our amazing news today! God is good- all the time.
Consequently, I also want you to know I had planned a family lunch on Monday to celebrate our adoption.
Now, that will have to change somewhat but I still am looking forward to obedience in the Lord and listening for the new direction for our family.
Love,
Derek xoxo
If God hadn’t done enough already, we finished up the weekend with a powerful message on Sunday morning from Pastor Engle. He has been preaching a series through the book of Exodus. Our lesson was from Exodus 15: 22-27. The Israelites were lead out of Egypt by Moses and they came to Marah where the water was bitter and they could not drink it. The people grumbled but the Lord made the water sweet. Then they went on to Elim where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees. That sounds nice! The life application was, which would you choose, Marah or Elim? Most would choose Elim, of course, with all the comforts and ease but if we go straight to Elim and get all we want right away we will expect good all the time and when we don’t receive good we will just grumble and become bitter. Now, if we go to Marah first with the bitter water and it is made sweet we will appreciate the sweet so much more! As I’m wiping tears from my eyes we stood and finished with one last song:
Everlasting GodStrength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eaglesAll I could do was lift my hands and cry to you, Lord. Thank you, God for taking me to Marah first and turning my bitter into sweet. You wrote a beautiful story for our family and this just felt like a final seal you laid upon it all! Whatever you bring us from here on out I want to trust and obey for there is no other way!
So, here goes…..
Derek and I started trying to have another baby, our 3rd, two years ago, May 2008. Little did we know that God had a different plan for our family. It has been a difficult couple of years trying to be okay with not getting pregnant and trusting in God’s Sovereign plan for our lives. It seemed, for a while, every month was me taking a pregnancy test and being overcome by disappointment. Derek and I decided to make an appointment to meet with my OB/GYN to ask a few questions. I went to the appointment on August 31, 2009 and asked a list of questions. The doctor gave me quite a few options to consider. The best scenario was a fertility drug called Clomid. When I left the doctor’s office my thought was, “well, of course we’ll do Clomid”. As the evening went on I kept thinking of one thing that my doctor had said in that visit. “At this point in trying to conceive, you only have about a 10% chance of getting pregnant on your own”. Wow, really? I have two children already. That’s crazy. As the days followed, Derek and I committed much time to prayer about what we should do. One evening, God was pressing on my heart something that I was trying to ignore (but just could not). God said, not in an audible voice, but in my heart, “I can put another zero on that 10 and make it 100% in a flash, just trust me.” I knew at that moment that we were not to take the medication. I also knew that if I told Derek what I heard from the Lord he would agree and that would be the end of it. I didn’t want to tell him. I wanted to take the meds. It felt like my only chance. As if God “needed my help”. That night we decided we were to trust the Lord’s plan for our lives. I think our exact words were, “we want God to get the most glory!” If we got pregnant without the meds, wow, glory to God. We also said, if we don’t ever have another baby that we wanted God to be glorified just as much!!! God had been paving a way (long before) for each step that I was taking.
I went to a Beth Moore conference in August. We did not know what she would be speaking on before we arrived. When we sat down and she took us to God’s Word for the verses she would teach from, she read us Psalm 37! You have to sit and read the entire chapter, but she camped on verse 4, Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart, verse 7, be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. I realized, that weekend, how we always seem to fix our eyes on the “desires of your heart” in that verse and not the DELIGHT yourself in the Lord! That’s what I wanted, to delight in Him and have him conform my desires into His desires for what he wants for me.
Fast forward to January 2010. I knew that I was still holding on to so much of this and what I wanted and how I thought that God should work. Here is a verse that really started to take root in my life:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentations 3:22-26
So, with all of God’s strength, I began to seek Him with everything I could. To my amazement, he began to answer my prayer. Not the earthly want of a baby, but for peace and a delight for Him that was not there before. I was realizing the beauty and gift of the wait. By February I did not take a pregnancy test for the first time. Then came March and April. No test. I was okay! Really? Yes. On April 5, 2010, I sat down at the computer and felt like I should look at an adoption site of waiting children that needed a forever home (see the post Why Wouldn't We to gain more details for the adoption). I was so moved, as I always am when I think about all the children that need forever homes with a momma and daddy. I found two little boys that were just posted for adoption that week. They were adorable! I could just see them in our family. I began to pray for those little guys and showed Derek their photo. I began to e-mail and ask questions about them but quickly realized that you need to have a home study in place before you can even inquire about the kiddos you see. Well, my prayer changed to pray that someone would be able to adopt those boys as soon as possible. They needed a home! At that moment, I knew that adoption was something God was pressing on my heart. Not to be a means to an end to have more children, but a step of obedience to care for the orphans. Derek was not where I was in this heart change at the time. He, due to so many demands and stresses, just could not give the time or the mental energy to talk about adoption. He suggested that we wait to talk about it until things “cool down” in May. Well, that was very difficult for me to do but I didn’t want him to shut down entirely, so I waited and prayed. “Oh Lord, more waiting! Can I wait on one more thing?” Yes, I could! So I did. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I prayed for Derek’s heart to be softened to the process and I prayed for the potential child that I could imagine us bringing home.
All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you. Psalm 38: 9
Funny enough, because I love to laugh with God, Derek was asked to go to an adoption summit in Minnesota with our youth pastor on April 29- 30. I was so excited that Derek was going. Maybe his heart would be gripped and he would get on board! As the days went on, I found myself praying a little less selfishly. I was praying for a great time for Derek spent with godly men, learning about adoption resources for Immanuel Baptist Church (which is why he was asked to go) and a time of resting in the Lord without the pressures of work. I would not do his heart change and excitement justice, so I am going to leave it up to Derek to tell about his experience at the summit (see post Why Wouldn't We)……
Meanwhile, I began to make arrangements for a garage sale to “liquidate” all of our baby girl items and proceeded to lone out my entire maternity wardrobe. I was enjoying quite a few bible studies and learning so much about God’s timing, waiting on the Lord and resting in Him. May 12, 2010, was a very neat day. I love how God shows us little ways that we are walking in the right direction.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice
behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
Isaiah 30:21
I was attending a bible study on this Wednesday morning when the day began. I picked up Layla from the childcare and her teacher asked if she could have our phone number. She has two boys that are my girl’s age and they love playing together and since it was the last study she wanted to be able to call and set up a play date in the summer. As I was leaving she handed me a purple sheet of paper and said you’re invited to a party. I said thanks and left. I didn’t open the invite until I got home and it read, “We are having a cutlery party to help raise money for our adoption”. I couldn’t believe what I read. I called her right away and talk with her all about their story. I was able to share a little with her about where we were in the “process”. She asked me what agency we were looking at and I told her All God’s Children and she said, “so are we” through a laugh. We talked for a while and shared a lot more information. As we were ending the phone call we both concluded that one big obstacle for our husbands was the financial part of it. That conversation was such a sweet affirmation from God. After we hung up, I began to fill out the adoption application and Abba fund application, which took me about 3 hours. It was such a beautiful and sweet day for me. It was so fun to fill out the questions and see how God was changing my heart and my eyes to see Him differently. It felt good to ask of God what He wanted from me instead of what I wanted from Him. Thank you God for that special moment that I spent with you.
I called Derek right away and he was very excited. We talked while he was driving home from being out of town. I told him all about the conversation I had and that I filled out the paperwork. I told him that I knew that he hadn’t given a direct “yes” yet, but I wanted to be ready when he did, because I knew he was “there” already! I also said even if we decided not to adopt it was still a step of obedience for me and I would not trade filling out the paperwork for one second! We talked a bit about the money we would need to save and how we would do that. I had already saved up, from my babysitting jobs, the $300 non- refundable deposit that would be sent with the application that I had just completed. Next was $1,500 to 1,800 for the home study. A little more of a stretch! We would manage. We were excited about the money we would make from the garage sale. We decided it would be put toward the adoption. As we hung up, we laughed and said God will provide what we need. Boy, he sure did. As I hung up the phone I went to get the mail. I ripped into a envelop from my dear grandparents. I was not expecting anything from them and it wasn’t anyone’s birthday. Are you sitting down? It was a check for a $1,000!!!! Thank you Grandpa and Grandma. Of course I called Derek immediately and asked him the same question…are you sitting down? I told him what had come in the mail and he just started laughing! What could he say? God is our Provider! He said, “wow, we’ll talk more about it when I get home”. That was a great day and we thanked the Lord in Ah.
Thursday morning I went to bible study at church and the lesson was all about waiting. No surprise there! We talked about how waiting means to serve. We are to serve while we wait and to not just stop. One of the small group discussion questions was, “are you currently in a difficult waiting period”? I had a really hard time answering the question. I listened to all the ladies share there hearts and kept kind of quiet. Finally, I answered. I said I am waiting for a few things right now and it used to be difficult. In the world’s eye it would be difficult, but I am in such a good place with the wait right now. I can say that the difficult is no longer there. I have changed from waiting on a pregnancy to waiting on the Lord! I then shared this verse with the ladies at my table:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentations 3:22-26Thank you Lord for using your Word to shape my thinking.
Later that day, I went to the store to run some errands and I did buy a pregnancy test. It was different this time. It wasn’t me longing for a positive result rather it was God leading me in a calm, rational way. I was a little “late” but that is not abnormal for me. So, I thought I’d have it just in case. Friday morning I decided to take the test. Again, it was not the “normal” way that I had so many other times. I was calm and had such a peace in me. Needless to say, the test line wasn’t even complete before the positive line appeared. I’m pregnant? I’m pregnant! I wasn’t sure what I should do- it was a state of shock! I called for Derek to come back up the stairs; I said “I need you up here” in a very serious voice. I said I love you and then moved out of the way for him to see the test. I walked out of the room and burst into tears. After two years I think it was just disbelief. Derek hugged me and said, “I am so excited”. I said, through my tears, “our adoption.” Derek spoke the sweetest words to me, “this doesn’t mean we won’t still adopt”. I love my husband so much- he has been changed over the last 12 years of our marriage to be more compassionate than I ever dreamed he would be. Thank you, my dear husband.
Well, some would say, see you just needed to relax and not think about getting pregnant or that’s what happens, you start the adoption process and you get pregnant. I know because I have spoken those words to people. I don’t believe them anymore. I never want to put God into a box like that. All those reasons have everything to do with me and what I did or didn’t do. This is all because of God and what he has done for us. Even if we hadn’t got pregnant He (God) was still answering our prayers. He was changing me long before the two pink lines on a test. And I just love His timing- we hadn’t gotten serious about the adoption until after I was most likely pregnant! That’s how my Jesus would do it!!!
I have to share a note that Derek wrote to me after he got the news:
Christy,
I am overjoyed with our amazing news today! God is good- all the time.
Consequently, I also want you to know I had planned a family lunch on Monday to celebrate our adoption.
Now, that will have to change somewhat but I still am looking forward to obedience in the Lord and listening for the new direction for our family.
Love,
Derek xoxo
If God hadn’t done enough already, we finished up the weekend with a powerful message on Sunday morning from Pastor Engle. He has been preaching a series through the book of Exodus. Our lesson was from Exodus 15: 22-27. The Israelites were lead out of Egypt by Moses and they came to Marah where the water was bitter and they could not drink it. The people grumbled but the Lord made the water sweet. Then they went on to Elim where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees. That sounds nice! The life application was, which would you choose, Marah or Elim? Most would choose Elim, of course, with all the comforts and ease but if we go straight to Elim and get all we want right away we will expect good all the time and when we don’t receive good we will just grumble and become bitter. Now, if we go to Marah first with the bitter water and it is made sweet we will appreciate the sweet so much more! As I’m wiping tears from my eyes we stood and finished with one last song:
Everlasting GodStrength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eaglesAll I could do was lift my hands and cry to you, Lord. Thank you, God for taking me to Marah first and turning my bitter into sweet. You wrote a beautiful story for our family and this just felt like a final seal you laid upon it all! Whatever you bring us from here on out I want to trust and obey for there is no other way!
Addis Ababa Time
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